sandalphon | inbox / recourt

It wasn't just physical, Mydei. I - I did things. Used the form of his Phainon, even when he said no. Said things to him. I just - I hurt people in every way. It's only a matter of time before I do the same thing to you.

Then reflect on your wrongdoing and apologize. Stop running away. You aren't some curse that can only hurt people. You're a man, and one I respect and care for. It's the running that really hurts, at least where I'm concerned.

I'm not going to promise I'll stop trying to run. I can't do that when I know I will.

Will you try?

[Squirrelly look... his wings rustle like he's going to flap them, but.]

I'm not worth this effort, Mydei.

I will be the judge of that.

[holds tigher.]

I'm telling you so. I've lived magnitudes longer than you.

[His tone grows desperate. Lashing out. Fundamentally nothing should be as easy as this acceptance. It's not real. It can't be.]

The other Mydei has lived through enough horrors to comprehend what I'm capable of. But you- you've only had less than a decade to know me.

Have you ever known me, in all those years, to not know my own mind?

[Inmediately:] No, but--

[He curls up into Mydei. One of his hands pet down his flank gingerly, skirting what horror he'd left.]

You should hate me. Why don't you hate me?

[it is, at least, already filling back in. it wasn't enough to kill him outright, and he almost has two entire functioning lungs again.

which does make his sigh more impressive than it would have been a few minutes ago.]

I do not understand why you think I should hate you for doing your best in an unconcievably awful situation.

But I should have found another way. I- I killed you so many times. Every cycle, except one.

In which cycle did you not?

[Phainon is a man of action - he's always doing something, around other people. Moving, helping, talking, nudging, fighting - movement, of all sorts.

Khaslana's muscles lock up all at once, and he stills, heartbeat going rabbit-fast.]

The singular one where you didn't exist. [He whispers.] Is it bad that I - I would rather have had you, and killed you, than never have you at all?

You... truly don't realize how romantic you sound right now, do you?

[shaking his head with another sigh.]

Do not forget that I am Kremnoan.

[Khaslana stares at him, a hand fisting in his robe.]

Why do you have an answer for everything!

Because for the time you spent running away, I have been thinking. Thinking about what makes you who you are, what challenges you face, and how we might face them together.

What if I - what if I never get there? What if I cannot face these challenges? You deserve better than spending your new life trying to put a broken thing back together.

I shall be the judge of what I find valuable to do with my time.

[Have you tried other hobbies that did not involve rehabilitating eldritch abominations????? Khaslana makes the same face Phainon does when he's going to say something horribly stupid.]

I... Mydei, I burnt your library down countless times. [This sounds like his most desperate attempt to dissuade him.]

[dude]

Why?

Because I was bored. Because I had done it hundreds of thousands of times and nothing changed. Because I hated that you weren't in it.

And burning an empty library I would never return to is your last-ditch reason for me to hate you?

But - wasn't that important to you? Sometimes you'd tell me to meet you in your library after Era Nova.

Of course it was important to me. It's something I wanted to show you. I'm not happy you did it.

But Era Nova would burn it away regardless, right? It was another part of "seeing you tomorrow".

Why would you tell me that, then, even after Anaxa revealed the truth about the cyclical nature of us? Of Amphoreus? It would have been impossible...

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