sandalphon | inbox / recourt

[Phainon lets him, but his body language still says he's ready to bolt any time.]

I -

[A week, a cycle ago, his answer would be different.] I want to stay. [Whispered, like he's blaspheming, terrified of being struck down. Terrified that Lygus is still lurking somewhere, watching, writing an ending he had no escape from.] Am I allowed?

Then do not run away and hide like this.

[ He doesn't let go of his wrist, he keeps his hold as if he knows Phainon is going to disappear again if he lets him. ]

Stay. With me. With your prince.

Whether it's wrong or right doesn't matter. No one else should decide whether you're allowed to stay or not. That is for you, and you alone, to decide.

[ That last part is said in a much softer tone of voice - gentle, just like he had been at times during their night prior ]

[He puts his hand on Anaxa's, on his wrist, warm, almost human.]

This won't be the last time I'll be like this. I might never stop being like this. Being afraid.

[ He's quiet at those words, like he's trying to find his own, having to once again decide how much of himself he wants to reveal, how much further he's going to push this ]

I do not mind you being afraid. It's you looking at me as if I'm just one more of countless others who came before me, as if my life holds no meaning - no significance against the collective - that I cannot stand.

Weakness and fear are both an inescapable part of your own humanity. That you are afraid, that you need reassurance, is something I can accept.

But I would rather die a thousand times than see and hear you act as a cold and distant god would.

[There's a long moment as Phainon tries to digest this. It should be easy for him: every incarnation of Anaxa had cautioned him against the path he was burning ahead of him.

It started out being a little funny for someone like Anaxa to tell him to stay human, but as the cycles went by, Phainon clung to that sliver of warmth. Even as he grew cold and numb. Even as he saw it as the flickering of a bonfire at a distant mountaintop, content to delude himself that seeing was the same as feeling.

So why can't he cling now?
So he does. He turns his hands in Anaxa's grasp and links their fingers together, taking the first step. Holding on, instead of being held. Of his own volition.]

I'm still made of hatred. All of me. But I don't want to be. [Phainon's voice cracks the same way he smiles.] Maybe you have more things to teach me.

Whatever you're made of, you are and always will be my most exceptional student. But if you need a few more lessons ... then I have no other choice but to guide you once more.

[ He's keeping his hold on Phainon's wrist, but he moves closer to him, his other hand going to his face ]

All you need to do is to let me.

[Phainon leans into that hand, closing his eyes; the tension leaves his shoulders, his arms, the whole of his body. He's no longer angled away to run.

But maybe he's just a little angled away for the inevitable scolding.]

Okay. [He turns his head to nose and try to kiss the pulse at Anaxa's wrist. Look he is very remorseful for standing him up ok. Maybe he can distract Anaxa from that.]

[ It does work as an excellent distraction, because he's clearly taken aback by it even though he's the one who initiated AFFECTION. He'll be able to see that there is a slight brush, even though he's frowning ]

Having said that ... you will still need to apologize properly for making me wait at the shrine.

I would suggest starting by actually making that contract.

Edited 2025-07-18 13:50 (UTC)

[My Professor Can't Be This Cute!!!! Phainon, feeling a lot braver, starts pulling him by the hand into the shrine then. It's like being tugged by a very large, very fluffy dog.]

Isn't this like being married, Professor. [Phainon beams at him. It's blinding.] Oh, maybe we could get matching tattoos?

[ DID HE HAVE TO PUT IT THAT WAY. DID HE he is full on blushing now but that only makes him look more GRUMPY. But he is being tugged along and not protesting that ]

Do not be ridiculous. We are going through this to ensure we will be able to return you home. It has nothing to do with marriage.

But if you truly wish for such a symbol, then I will choose the design. You will not choose anything that will remain permanently on my skin.

[Phainon has stopped, at least, in front of the dais with the ledger on it, flipping through the pages and the instructions.

And then he looks at Anaxa. Tilts his head.]

We were married a couple of times. And you'll have me for the rest of your life, anyway. [LIKE THAT'S NOT A COMPLETE, REVELATORY DECLARATION,] You can pick, I don't mind. You can put anything you want on me anywhere. Ah, look, I think we sign here...

[ oh my god?? do not kill him like that. He acts angry but the blush is still there, so all that energy is clearly meant to hide that ]

Didn't I just tell you that I dislike you treating me as if I'm interchangeable with any other Anaxa you met before me? That they've married you does not mean that I intend to do the same.

[ He says that right as he signs his name for this contract. Like that isn't like getting married ]

Even if I will have you for the rest of my life. And yours.

Hehe.

[Beside him, though, Phainon's face is alight with joy as he signs, too.]

That's fine. I'll propose somewhere private. [He squints at the instructions, and at the same time, tries to sneak a hand to settle at the small of Anaxa's back, keeping him close.] An act of bonds-- can I kiss you?

[ He just insisted it's not a marriage, yet it feels like one and he's still wrestling with his emotions just as much as he's still trying to wrap his head around Phainon's confession. But when Phainon asks him if he can kiss him he doesn't even hesitate, he reaches for his shirt and pulls him down to kiss him ]

[Phainon kisses him, sweet, and then with the edge of something filthy, trying to cage him against the altar. Just because he can, now. Just because he could put his hands on Anaxa's hips and not feel like smiting himself.]

Mm, and then a token. [He looks around for the mind-numbingly ugly hi-vis jacket. Listen he sees nothing wrong with it, not until they could get tattoos...] Ah, what if I drew something on you? Until you could tattoo something on me!

[ Oh. He's surprised by the intensity of it right off the bat - but not so surprised that it troubles him. In fact, he's just pulling him close as he kisses him, not at all minding being caged against the altar. ]

If I am taking a token from you, then it will be something I can always wear. And I am not wearing that jacket.

You will gift me—

[ he was about to say a ring, but then he remembers the earlier conversation, and it's a matter of principle now. ]

...

A piece of jewelry. I will do the same for you.

Edited 2025-07-19 07:40 (UTC)

I'd like anything you give me!

[Phainon looks at him like all of his 33550336 birthdays have come at once. No matter what Anaxa says, Phainon's taking it as a marriage - a promise from both of them, to stay, and to be stayed for.]

Even children!

[Unfortunately he is like this.]

[ Why is he like this. He is DYING. The enthusiasm and the way Phainon looks at him are enough to melt his heart a little, forcing him to confront his own feelings. That he cares about Phainon has never been in question. Just like he said, he will always believe in him. Everything else, though he's not sure he can put a name to it yet. All he knows is that he refuses to give up on any version of Phainon and that maybe

he doesn't mind the idea of them belonging to each other all that much.

Fortunately Phainon takes him out of that train of thought with that last part, and he immediately brings his hand to his face to push him away ]

Do not be ridiculous. We are heading to the store, and getting something appropriate to seal this contract.

[Phainon turns his head and tries to

Lick

Anaxa's palm????
Muffled:]

Anything you want, Professor.

[ WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS. He stares at him and then very quickly moves his hand away and starts walking ]

—You will also contract with the Crown Prince.

[ he says that like he's decided it and phainon has no say in his own NOT MARRIAGE]

Edited 2025-07-19 16:00 (UTC)

Absolutely not.

[????????? MIETTE HAS BEEN GOOD AND NICE AND NOT BEING A LITTLE RUNAWAY AND YOU HIT HIM WITH THIS????]

Why?

[ quick think of another distraction Phainon. But he does almost regret letting him go because now he wonders if he's going to RUN AGAIN ]

Because it significantly increases your chances of obtaining the power we need. Ideally, it should be both of them.

You do not have to do so now. But if he hasn't already, he will find you. You cannot hide forever, and you know as well as I do that he will accept you with open arms.

Didn't I tell you to let us choose whether we want to be protected or not? Let him choose as well.

No. I killed him. No.

[Phainon's walking beside him, but he's not present; the wrist in Anaxa's grasp twists to hold his hand. Phainon's shaking.]

It's only a matter of time before I kill both of them.

[ He'll take that hand and this time, it's his turn to lace their fingers together. He should insist, because it's the logical step to take.

But this Phainon is coming off innumerable cycles where he's had to kill or see them die over and over again, and he's not so cold that he would ignore the obvious mental toll that has taken it. If anything, that Phainon accepted him now is already progress he should not waste by pushing him toward something that is clearly scaring him. ]

If you believed in yourself half as much as I do, we would not be having this conversation. But since you do not, I will have to do that enough to fill in for your deficiency.

Have it your way. I am more than capable of carrying you to our goal on my own.

[It's so anathema to him - to have faith in someone else - that it makes him stop in his tracks to realize what Anaxa is saying. Wordlessly, he pulls at Anaxa's hand, and right there in the middle of the street, he tries to pull his teacher into a hug. Tries to hide his face in Anaxa's shoulders, tries to hide in him, really.]

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